Wednesday, July 2, 2008

Praising in the Storm

It has been a long few weeks filled with every emotion imaginable. On May 15th, Chuck and I found out we were expecting our first child, due Jan 10th. We were so excited…our “five year plan” of starting a family after five years of marriage was falling right into place.

We kept the news pretty quiet, only telling our parents, our sisters, and a few close friends, until we had our first doctor’s appointment. I think that I thought the news that we were going to have a baby was going to really sink in once we had that first appointment. What started as excited anticipation during that first visit quickly became nervous anticipation as our doctor became concerned that I was having some early complications. An ultrasound was scheduled for later that same afternoon.

I know it was the “peace that passes understanding” because I went back to work and was calm while waiting for the ultrasound appointment. Chuck, on the other hand, would tell me later that he had a feeling that something was very wrong. The ultrasound later confirmed this when a heartbeat could not be detected. I should have been 7-8 weeks along. After a devastating conversation with our doctor, I had some blood work done and we headed home to share the news.

The next few weeks proved to be a rollercoaster of emotions, with more blood work and two more ultrasounds. My pregnancy hormones kept rising, but the baby was not growing properly and we could still hear no heartbeat. The hardest part was not knowing what or how to feel, since at each appointment we were given a small ray of hope that the baby might be okay…maybe we were not as far along as they thought…maybe this, maybe that. It was more proof that only God knows us intimately, and medical science, though helpful, cannot always give us the answers.

Eventually last week we were told that the baby was not growing and that we should expect a miscarriage. After a week of waiting, I began to miscarry this weekend.

Through this all we have had an amazing support network of family and friends. God has continually placed people in our path who have been through similar experiences or who knew just what we needed to be comforted at that moment.

Although we are sad at the loss of this little child, we know God has more plans for us and our family.

I have been and will continue to cling to this verse:

Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge HIM and he will make your paths straight.

Although we may not always understand, we must trust God and acknowledge His sovereignty over all situations, even this one.

Please pray for us that we may have peace through this situation and the trials that may be ahead of us as we work through this time of grief and loss.


Kelli said...

leeann - i'm so sorry to hear about your loss. i know how you are feeling and i know the turmoil it can bring. God is so amazing at giving peace. you have a great outlook... keep the faith and keep looking up. things will fall into place. we will keep you and chuck in our prayers. :)

Mindy said...

Your family is in our prayers. I went thru this at the end of last year. I know everyone's emotions are different and individual so I won't say I KNOW you and your feelings but I will say I can understand.

Please remember to take care of yourself. Your body will be doing crazy things - as I know you probably know. Your body will remind you of this for a little while. Keep Praying and Keep Loving.

I know that wonderful hubby of yours is going to take great care of you. Let Him!!

Bonnie said...

I am so proud of the way you cling to God and give Him all praise and glory even in the storm. You are amazing!
I will continue fervantly beseeching our Father in heaven to supply your's & Chuck's every need, even before you're aware of that need. He is amazing!

Amanda said...

We are so sorry for your loss. We will continue to pray for you guys. I know God has amazing plans for the two of you.

The McCullough's said...

We are praying for you and wishing you the peace and comfort that only God can provide- and does provide!

fzumwalt said...

The pain will never go totally away but, of course, there is also always a new day and life goes on with or without us. Hope is a wonderful thing. Cling to it jealously. I'm sad for all of you, of course. Life, though, is a precious and terribly tenuous thing that only God completely understands. Life is truly a miracle. Your time will come, of course.

Patrice said...

A quote I found today. I'm glad I can share it with you:

Imagine a love so strong that saying hello and goodbye in the same day was worth the sorrow.
- Author Unknown

May He continue to give you guys His peace and heal your broken hearts. I'm glad you got to experience that kind of love, and I know that, even if it's hard now, someday you will know that it was worth the sorrow. I love you.