It has been a long few weeks filled with every emotion imaginable. On May 15th, Chuck and I found out we were expecting our first child, due Jan 10th. We were so excited…our “five year plan” of starting a family after five years of marriage was falling right into place.
We kept the news pretty quiet, only telling our parents, our sisters, and a few close friends, until we had our first doctor’s appointment. I think that I thought the news that we were going to have a baby was going to really sink in once we had that first appointment. What started as excited anticipation during that first visit quickly became nervous anticipation as our doctor became concerned that I was having some early complications. An ultrasound was scheduled for later that same afternoon.
I know it was the “peace that passes understanding” because I went back to work and was calm while waiting for the ultrasound appointment. Chuck, on the other hand, would tell me later that he had a feeling that something was very wrong. The ultrasound later confirmed this when a heartbeat could not be detected. I should have been 7-8 weeks along. After a devastating conversation with our doctor, I had some blood work done and we headed home to share the news.
The next few weeks proved to be a rollercoaster of emotions, with more blood work and two more ultrasounds. My pregnancy hormones kept rising, but the baby was not growing properly and we could still hear no heartbeat. The hardest part was not knowing what or how to feel, since at each appointment we were given a small ray of hope that the baby might be okay…maybe we were not as far along as they thought…maybe this, maybe that. It was more proof that only God knows us intimately, and medical science, though helpful, cannot always give us the answers.
Eventually last week we were told that the baby was not growing and that we should expect a miscarriage. After a week of waiting, I began to miscarry this weekend.
Through this all we have had an amazing support network of family and friends. God has continually placed people in our path who have been through similar experiences or who knew just what we needed to be comforted at that moment.
Although we are sad at the loss of this little child, we know God has more plans for us and our family.
I have been and will continue to cling to this verse:
Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge HIM and he will make your paths straight.
Although we may not always understand, we must trust God and acknowledge His sovereignty over all situations, even this one.
Please pray for us that we may have peace through this situation and the trials that may be ahead of us as we work through this time of grief and loss.
2 days ago